Bard Bloom (bard_bloom) wrote,
Bard Bloom

Federal Department of Beauty

Last night I visited the Federal Department of Beauty. I'm not quite sure why I was part of the visiting team: maybe they want to use MongoDB.

It may be that you are not familiar with the Federal Department of Beauty. Unlike what the Republicans said about it, it doesn't *regulate* beauty in the US. It uses highly scientific laboratories and methodologies to invent new forms of beauty.

We toured an experimental facility devoted to dichroic glass, and saw some the less-than-successful experiments that hopefully will wind up producing trichroic glass. We saw some amazingly lovely crystals of pure niobium.

Then we got to the Blue Room. It's a lab devoted to blueness. (I think there are similar labs for redness and whiteness.) The actual research is rather impressive: they can squirt some stuff into the air and make a sort of animate blue mist jellyfish that jellies its way around the room, slowly disintegrating, and scenting the air with lilacs.

But I got into a fight with the Director of Blueness about whether their main blueing agent, "isohydrone sodium", was the same as FD&C Blue #2. Specifically, I asked her, and she didn't know, and then the rest of the touring dignitaries got very annoyed with her for refusing to answer such a basic question, and there was a great big brouhaha, and we all got kicked out.


Still: wouldn't you like to live in an alternate reality where beauty was an important feature of a civilized society, where a Federal Department of Beauty was considered as important as Investigation or Corrections or Labor?
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic
    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.